June 19, 2009
May 24, 2009
Bum-aversary
It's been 3 months today since I became an unemployment statistic, and I thought this would be a good time to check in and give everyone a brief update on my situation. In short, I'm still looking for another job, but we're still able to pay the bills, so I'm not out on the street holding a sign yet, like this poor guy.
The road back to gainful employment is looking to be a lot harder than I thought. I've had a fair number of interviews, but the pressure on hiring managers to fill positions internally, and procrastinate on their decisions is immense, plus the competition for available jobs is fierce. Still, I'm optimistic that something will turn up, and if it doesn't, I've already started looking for temporary work to tide me over. Mrs. BH wants to remain in her job for another year, so that's been limiting my search to the local area, which offers few opportunities for the kind of work I do.
Financially, we're in okay shape. I had been counting on receiving about 4 months of wages and benefits from my former employer, but when they filed for Chapter 11 on April 1st (no fooling), everything they owed me was tossed into bankruptcy court, and I was forced to start collecting unemployment insurance, as Mrs. BH's salary is not enough to cover our expenses. Let me tell you that anyone who thinks that UI is some sort of wonderful benefit that turns otherwise hard-working people into welfare queens is in for a rude shock if you ever find yourself in my situation; what I get in a month works out to barely 10% of my former wages, just enough to pay our mortgage. If not for our second income, we'd be in dire straights right now. As it is, we are just covering our expenses, and will have enough to last us through next summer, if we're very careful and don't get any nasty surprises.
As for the lost severance, after consulting with an attorney, it appears that I will probably be able to recover almost $11K of my pre-filing wages and benefits (minus taxes), but everything they owed me after April 1st is essentially lost. If I'm very lucky, I might see 2-4% of it. The company that purchased the assets of my ex-employer has no obligation whatsoever under the law to repay the monies I'm owed, so my legal options are extremely limited. Bankruptcy law in this country is weighted almost entirely towards the employer, and what laws exist to protect employees are filled with easily exploited loopholes.
All in all, things could be a lot worse though. I've run into former colleagues who've been out of work for years, and have few prospects of ever returning to the workforce in any meaningful capacity. While I'm waiting for the next opportunity, I'm getting a lot of home projects done, and brushing up my skills by training myself on new software packages. I'm also looking into taking some college courses, if we can afford it.
Finally, we're still planning to attend the Hukilau next month. We'd already purchased the plane and event tickets before I lost my job, and my sainted mother has offered to cover the rest of our expenses as an early 29th wedding anniversary present.
That should about cover it. I'll be back in another 3 months, or earlier if I have anything positive to report.
Aloha,
Mr. BH
February 28, 2009
Where's the Breadline?
Dear Readers,
I lost my job of 26 years last Thursday, and will be devoting all of my time and energy to locating a new one. Blogging will resume when (or if) that happens.
I pretty much saw this coming, but it was still a shock when it happened. Fortunately, we had taken steps to greatly reduce our mortgage debt and build our savings up last year, so between Mrs. BH's income as a librarian, the severance package from my former company, savings, and unemployment insurance, we should be able to pay the bills and eat for quite a while if nothing turns up. Mrs. BH has great health insurance too, so that's not a worry either.
Hopefully, this will be just a temporary setback, and I will be back to entertain you again shortly. In the meantime, please keep us in your thoughts and/or prayers.
Your pal,
Mr. Bali Hai
February 21, 2009
Hukilau Bound
Mrs. BH and I have made reservations to attend our first Hukilau. We'll be in Fort Lauderdale, Florida from June 11th through the 14th, soaking up the sun, sucking up cocktails and ambience at the legendary Mai Kai Restaurant, grooving to the velvet sounds of Los Straitjackets, and learning the history of the Mai Tai at the feet of the Master, Beachbum Berry.
For those of you who've never heard of the Hukilau, just think of it as Burning Man for the Mai Tai set.
Vince Lombardi and the Green Bay Tikis
Finds from a recent trip to Green Bay, WI.
February 14, 2009
How to Make a Martian
The always entertaining Atomic Surgery posted this cool article from an unnamed magazine showing famous Hollywood rubber-monstermaker, Paul Blaisdell, and his wife Jackie, creating the head and hands for the über-creepy Martians in the '50's science-fiction classic, Invasion of the Saucermen.
Happy Days are Here Again!
Image courtesy of Iowahawk
Enjoy your delicious, 800-billion-dollar (plus interest) shit sandwich, citizens!
February 8, 2009
How to Survive a B-movie
One of my Name That Film pals, The Junk Monkey, has compiled a helpful, and humorous set of rules that explain how to extricate yourself from a variety of terrifying B-movie scenarios. He's got them broken up into multiple posts, so I've compiled them here into a single list for all of your brief-attention span Internet needs.
- Never Trust A Disembodied Brain. Honest, they are not to be trusted. All Brains in Jars are evil - or about to become so very very soon. And don't think because they are in a glass jar in a laboratory they can't come after you. It's a well known fact that, freed from the rigours of having to do all the dumb stuff we all have to do every day, even the most kindly and beneficent of human beings will become an raving egomaniacal monster with superhuman mental powers within minutes of having their brain plonked in a jar of vaguely murky nutrient solution.
- If You Hear A Theremin - Run! That's all, just run. The first bit of electronicy ooooeeeeeoooooooooo! you hear, you GTF out of there. Don't stop and look over your shoulder, don't explore any further into the strange, still warm to to the touch, thing that landed with a pulsing light in the next door field, just run. But above all do not keep on petting in an open topped car. For some reason Theremin playing bug-eyed monsters just love hetrosexuals making out in open topped cars.
- Make Sure People are What They Say They Are - If your husband has stopped blinking, forgets your middle name, and has to turn his whole upper body to look at you, get used to the idea that he is no longer your husband but merely an empty husk, animated by some gelatinous blob with three eyes - and get used to it fast because you're next (after he kills the dog).
- Throw Things At Monsters - Throw anything. When you are faced with a giant rampaging radioactive monster tearing up the commercial district, throw everything you've got at it. Not just the usual massive amounts of high explosives and air strikes by stock footage, or even the hastily rigged devices that deliver the entire output of the Hoover Dam through a convenient railway track; you'll only annoy it and probably make it bigger. No, the thing to do is rush into the nearest grocery store and start throwing things at the beasty. Anything that comes to hand. Bread, salt, Cheesy Wotsits, anything. I guarantee you that within minutes you and your surviving scientist chums will be looking down at its smouldering remains saying things like: "With all the knowledge of science we were powerless. Who would have guessed that the answer lay in a simple salami sandwich...?"
- It's in the Old Mine Just Outside of Town! - Whatever it is, it's in the old mine just outside of town. No need to look in the mine to check, it's in there, just blow the bugger up.
- Never Trust a Scientist - even if you fancy the tits off his daughter. Scientists are either mad, frustrated, would-be despots driven insane by years of scornful dismissal of their 'life's work', or blinkered idealists, unable to see the inevitable consequences of their actions. Either way they end up fiddling with things 'man is not meant to know'* and are best avoided. Especially if the conversation ever gets round to keeping brains alive in jars (qv).
- Never Have Anything to Do With a Scientist's Beautiful Daughter - I know this is a total no brainer but it does need saying. It's just asking for trouble. If, on the other hand, you find you are the beautiful daughter of an ageing scientist, move to Australia (or Wales if he's Australian). Do not, under any circumstances, accompany him on expeditions up obscure Central African or South American rivers, or anywhere else where there is even the remotest chance of encountering a gorilla.
- Don't Go Looking For The Cat - It will live, you won't.
- Always Bear in Mind That No Matter How Slowly the Shambling Thing Following You is Moving - it Will Outrun You - The actual time it will take to catch you is a complicated calculation of an inverse square law in which you have to take into account the available number of small twigs the female members of your party will trip over in inappropriately high-heeled shoes.
- Don't Let Caucasians Near Volcanoes - White people have an inexplicable but definite catalytic effect on long dormant volcanoes. Enter white people - exit ancient civilisation and/or dinosaurs happily living on its slopes.
Feel free to contribute your own guidelines in the comments.
London Sour II: Trader Vic's Boogaloo
Photo by Chris Osburn ©2008
Just got back from the UK last night. I had an interesting visit, to say the least.
Highlights included watching the entire south of England grind to a halt early this week, due to less than 2-inches of snow, the heaviest fall of the white stuff for 18 years. Lucky for me, it cleared up just in time for me to catch my flight out of Heathrow on Saturday morning. As a hardy Wisconsinite, I can only laugh at the wimpitude of this former world empire, brought to its knees by such tiny amounts of frozen water.
Unfortunately, I was unable to hook up with the Cartoonist this trip, thanks to my dodgy mobile phone not relaying his messages to meet him last Sunday, but I did manage to meet up with Tiki Chris and quaff several cocktails at the London Trader Vic's, including an authentic London Sour, shown here complete with Union Jack and a 3-sheets-to-the-wind Mr. Bali Hai mugging for the camera. It was good, but I prefer my version in the previous post.
More photos of TV at Tiki Chris' joint.
January 24, 2009
London Sour
I'm off to the UK for 2 weeks on business. Due to limited and expensive connectivity, I won't be posting anything in the interim.
Here's an excellent Scotch-based cocktail created in 1965 to celebrate the opening of the London Trader Vic's. I used 12-year Lagavulin scotch, a single-malt from the Isle of Islay, that imparted a nice, smoky flavor to the drink. It was smooth, but not overpowering. I'm probably going to Scotch Hell for using a single-malt instead of a blended Scotch in a mixed drink, but it tasted good, so bite me, Scotch snobs.
2 1/2 oz. Fresh-squeezed orange juice
3/4 oz. Fresh-squeezed lemon juice
1/4 oz. Simple syrup
1/4 oz. Orgeat syrup
2 oz. Scotch
Shake with 1 1/2 cups of crushed ice and pour into a double old-fashioned glass. Garnish with an orange wedge, a Union Jack, and Old Glory.
Cheerio and Toodle Pip and all that rot.
January 20, 2009
Funky Little Spacegirl
Speaking of Cool and Strange Music, my former editor, Dana Countryman, just sent me a link to the video from his latest collaboration with electropop pioneer, Jean Jacques Perrey, "Funky Little Spacegirl", from their latest album, "Destination Space". It's a very catchy tune, and a fun little CGI romp. Jean Jacques (who just turned 80) looks like he's having a blast.
[Link: Funky Little Spacegirl (YouTube clip)]
[Link: Funky Little Spacegirl Official Website (broadcast-quality clip)]
January 17, 2009
Don't Ask
Thanks, J$...
January 14, 2009
KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ricardo Montalban: 1920-2009 R.I.P.
Also,
Ray Dennis Steckler and Patrick McGoohan....Goodnight, my celluloid friends, and Godspeed.
January 9, 2009
Freaks in Wax
Please "enjoy" these creepy photographs of waxwork human oddities from the collection of the St. Petersburg Museum of History in Florida.
[Link: Gallery of Bizarre People][via]
Previous 10 entries...
J.R. Williams' Cartoon Collages Jan 7, 2009Astro Aku Aku Jan 4, 2009
Mini-Golf Moai On the Move Jan 4, 2009
Psychotronic Title Cards Jan 1, 2009
His Hair Was Perfect Dec 27, 2008
I Want a Hot-buttered Zombie For Christmas Dec 23, 2008
Shakespeare "Howls" Dec 22, 2008
Polynesian Dancers at the 1964 Worlds Fair Dec 21, 2008
Old Ku, New Menu Dec 20, 2008
Cocktails of the Great Recession Dec 14, 2008
So Long, Uncle Forry Dec 6, 2008
Trader Vic's Eastern Sour Dec 2, 2008
Ancient Mariner in a Don Ho Glass Nov 29, 2008
Tiki Time at Hot Sam's Nov 26, 2008
