Eye of the Goof: Bad Cocktails and the Bartenders Who Mix Them

If you're cocktail ~~snob~~connoisseur like me, who thinks 99% of the bars out there are staffed by incompetent nitwits who believe that mixing Rose's Lime Juice, grenadine, and a half-cup of rum in a tall glass, topped off with Diet Sprite is an acceptable Mai Tai recipe, then you need look no further for confirmation than this hilariously painful video from DrinksTV, in which our delightful bimbotender, Andrea, shows us plebes how to make a "Woodford Reserve Mint Julep, which she helpfully explains, "...is like a Mojito, but with bourbon." Andrea is all about serious bartending, you can tell because she a) uses very precise measurements ("..a little bit, like a teaspoon or so"), and b) has her blouse unbuttoned to her navel.

If, for some inexplicable reason, you feel compelled to make this, you might want to have a hypo full of insulin at the ready to counteract the instantaneous Type II Diabetes you're likely to contract from the sugary overload of Rose's Lime Juice, powdered sugar, and canned sour mix contained in this abominable corruption of all that is decent and holy in Cocktaildom.

Update: If you thought that looked bad, wait until these 3 hootchies whip you up a Where the F*ck Did I Park My Car. Guaranteed to get you laid? Passed out and date-raped is more like it.

[Link: How Not To Make a Mint Julep]