Quintessential Blog Posts of the Not-so Rich and Famous
This Wired article, The Ultimate Blog Post, popped up briefly today on MetaFilter before being yanked by the moderators as a duplicate. It was new to me, however, and I thought it was a pretty spot-on satire of what makes big blogs like BoingBoing, MetaFilter, Kottke, and Daily Kos go 'round, but it was entirely lacking when it came to us B-tier bloggers. I also think "Ultimate" was a poor choice of words..."Quintessential" is a far more accurate adjective.
I aim to rectify both of those faults right now, so without further ado, here's my stab at the Top 10 Quintessential Blog Posts for 10 of my favorite blogs (not necessarily listed in order of popularity):
10) PCL: Will You Hear the Strange Atomic Pin-up Girls Comic Book Flexi-Disc Sharity Featuring Thor and Sven Assmussen on Theremin?...You'll! But not on Space Patrol!
9) The Nonist: Yesterday I read an extraordinary book describing the chaotic social hierarchy of surrealist font designers, then I photoshopped humorous captions on Frieda Kahlo paintings. I've combined both to create this collection of wacky e-cards suitable to send to the daughters of your Mexican friends for their Quinceañera celebrations.
8) Gravity Lens: This Popular Science article explores the sexual physics of a Klingon/Vorlon/Time Lord ménage à trois. The Anti-God of the Month is Madalyn Murray O'Hair.
7) The Cartoonist: Basil says, I used to be the president of the Brussels branch of the Raumpatrouille Fan Club, but I was kidnapped by aliens who harvested my organs and left only my bones behind. Now I work for S.H.A.D.O. as Commander Straker's coat rack.
6) Groovy Age of Horror: Dig the groovy cover-art of these Italian fumetti about nude vampire night nurses who prey exclusively on right-wing religious conservatives!
5) mod*mom: Scientists report that a strict visual regimen of Italian designer furniture and French childrens book illustrations cure cancer!
4) Coudal Partners: We've finally managed to trap the ghost of Stanley Kubrick inside a professional-grade DVD jewelbox, and he'll now be on permanent exhibit in the MoOM. jc-today
3) Bubblegumfink: The Mystery Machine and a car carrying Donny Osmond, Evel Knievel, and the Banana Splits broke down outside my house today, and they all came in to use my phone. I was making Count Chocula crepes with butterscotch Space Food Stick sauce at the time, so everyone stayed for breakfast and we watched Escape From the Planet of the Apes together.
2) Humu Kon Tiki: Today, Disney World opened their new ride, Tiki Bar Jamboree, which whisks you along in a fully-stocked Mai-Tai Mobile through exact replicas of long-lost Polynesian Pop temples like The Kahiki, The Luau of Beverly Hills, and Don the Beachcomber as you're serenaded by animatronic Don Ho and Gabby Pahinui replicas. Watch out for the undead waitstaff at Oakland's Zombie Village though, they'll try to stick a bendy straw into your head and suck your brains out!
1) Eye of the Goof: First of all, I'd like to thank all of the weblogs on the Internet for linking to me simultaneously. Now let me tell you about my first-class, all-expense-paid trip to Rapa Nui...
Comments
I hope you didn't offend anybody there, but your writeups are absolutely perfect! Happy New Year.
Posted by: Matt | December 26, 2006 6:44 PM
They know that I kid because I love (at least I think they do).
And a Happy NY to you and Christopher too!
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 26, 2006 6:52 PM
Further "adieu"?
Posted by: rone | December 26, 2006 7:12 PM
Pedant.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 26, 2006 7:15 PM
i'm so honored to be on THE quintessential blog post list!!!
that is an awesome list!!!!
hilarious + kind pals like you cure cancer too :)
Posted by: mod*mom | December 27, 2006 12:22 AM
add "clever" too
Posted by: mod*mom | December 27, 2006 12:25 AM
LOL--you nailed me!
Posted by: curt | December 27, 2006 6:34 AM
And here I've been stressing all these years that my process was totally chaotic! Good to know there has in fact been a method to my madness.
I can now use this formula you laid out and just replace the adjective and nouns like a mad-lib!
"Yesterday I read an (adj) book describing the (adj) (noun) of (adj) (noun), then I photoshopped (adj) (noun) on (noun). I've combined both to create this collection of (adj) (noun) suitable to send to the (noun) of your (adj) (noun) for their (noun) celebrations."
My copyright application on the above formula is now pending, so hands off!
Merry and Happy to you and yours Mr.B!
Posted by: jmorrison | December 27, 2006 7:34 AM
mod*mom: I'm sure we all wish it was really that easy to cure the Big C. Keep hanging in there in your inimitable style!
curt: it took me hours to come up with that...hours...if only you weren't so reticent about sharing your true feelings...;-)
jaime: as a lay-science expert, you should know that there's no such thing as true chaos, only a lack of tools with fine enough granularity to detect the underlying pattern. As for your patent claim, I'll see you on Judge Judy, homeslice!
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 27, 2006 7:50 AM
Oh, this is fab. I'd like to write more into this comments box, but the alien master is calling. And Basil wants a beer. :-)
Posted by: The Cartoonist | December 27, 2006 2:59 PM
I want a beer too!
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 27, 2006 3:06 PM
You'll.
It is. Or was. Gaziblagoo.
Yes. You'll. That exactly too.
Posted by: Sebastian | December 27, 2006 5:09 PM
I couldn't agree more.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 27, 2006 5:52 PM
I just found this post, and shot ice tea through my nose.
I'm trying to think what your ideal post would be, something about moving into a giant tiki-shaped tower, or replacing all your fleshy friends with native carvings.
Posted by: Jeff P | December 27, 2006 8:25 PM
Jeff, hope the lemon slice didn't get stuck in your nostril!
In addition to tiki, my ideal post would also have to include references to cult film, Lederhosen, the Ramones, and Foie Gras.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 27, 2006 8:41 PM
Excellent post - you do love your blog buddies ...
Posted by: orangeguru | December 28, 2006 7:30 AM
I love them and want to bear their children!
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 28, 2006 7:57 AM
Please don't touch me next time we meet ... ;-)
Posted by: orangeguru | December 28, 2006 8:30 AM
You're not a blogger any more, so you're safe.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 28, 2006 8:36 AM
The crepes sound awful, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Posted by: bubblegumfink | December 28, 2006 1:07 PM
I left out the part about the Donny/Velma/Shaggy sandwich 'cuz this is a family blog, doncha know...
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 28, 2006 3:05 PM
are you attending the mondo lounge atomic frolic ultimate retro party + conference celebrating 1957-63 in vegas january 26-28?
i want a full report :)
Posted by: mod*mom | December 29, 2006 12:27 PM
Oh please let it come true, please let it come true! Minus the zombie parts -- even I have my limits. But then, it would add to the overall atmosphere....
Thanks for the nod, I'm incredibly honored. Happy holidays, looking forward to tipping one (dozen) back with you soon!
Posted by: Humuhumu | December 29, 2006 3:25 PM
Well, this is Disney after all, not Wes Craven, so think happy Haunted Mansion-type zombies.
Likewise, looking forward to hanging out with you, Hanford, and the rest of the Bay Aryan TC regulars.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 29, 2006 3:45 PM
Scrolling.....scrolling.....scrolling.....hmmmm. Do you plan a C-list?
Posted by: Lex10 | December 30, 2006 12:08 PM
Don't take it personally if you weren't included. The blogs appearing in this post weren't meant to be an all-inclusive list of who I consider to be B-listers, just the ones I found it easiest to characterize in the shortest amount of time.
Dunno if I could pull off another post like this without it coming off with a whole lot less spontaneity. I do my best work when I'm feeling inspired by a fresh idea.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 30, 2006 12:56 PM
are you attending the mondo lounge atomic frolic ultimate retro party...?
Unfortunately not. I'll be in the Bay Area that week.
Posted by: MrBaliHai | December 31, 2006 12:52 PM