Well, the "luau" I attended on Saturday was a bust, it was essentially a standard Wisconsin pig roast tarted up with a couple of plastic leis. No tropical drinks were in evidence unless you think Fuzzy Navel wine coolers are roughly equivalent to Mai Tais. Don't get me wrong, Wisconsin pig roasts are not to be dismissed out of hand, but I was expecting a bit more than Miller Genuine Draft and hot dish.

By far the most bizarre part of the event was the performance of Cannibal Kevin's Beach Party Extravaganza. Kevin is a Minneapolis native who looks like Weird Al Yankovic with a permed mullet. He wears a horned headress, tells bad jokes, and performs low-budget magic tricks, while two distinctly non-polynesian ladies called the Tahitian Treats (who appeared to be moonlighting strippers) do the hula.

Yikes!